Why do people travel?

Or perhaps the larger question is, why do I?

It took a good hour to get through the goddam passport control and security system at O’Hare. It was just freaking packed with people. In passport control I was in the “priority” line (insert tooth sucking noise) not that it made a bit of difference, we were all dumped out into the same massive stinking horde of riffraff to endure the process of the security check. There had been 2 men in front of me in the priority line who had spent the entire time complaining bitterly (they were English and I imagine Meghan Markle has eased things up considerably in the security department at Heathrow) about the American security process and somehow I ended up behind them in the line again listening to them complain and complain. So guess when they decided to start thinking about what crap they needed to unload to put on the goddam conveyor belt. Yes. Right there. At the conveyor belt. With 7,246 people behind them (me being one of them). Unpacking their carry-ons, I MEAN FULLY UNZIPPING AND OPENING THEIR CARRY-ONS on the floor to look for ointments, unguents, lotions, liquids, moisturizers, pastes and gels.

They had both had the presence of mind to bring goddam plastic baggies for the shit, just neglected to fill them. I mean, seriously, they bitched and moaned for the 45 minutes we were in line, extolling the superiority of the British security system. The guy directly in front of me, once he’d divested himself of a seriously huge amount of liquid, then had to untie his double knotted shoestrings. Rather than squat down, he put his leg up on the table like a ballet dancer at the barre and made a failed attempt to untie the skinny, tightly knotted shoestrings. Eventually, and with great effort he pulled the shoe off, with the shoe still tied, And then, seeing at how successful he’d been with the first one, put the other leg up on the table to untie it. By this time the sea of humanity in front of us, including his “mate” or whatever englishy word they’d use, chum, possibly, had completely and utterly cleared but behind us all eyes were on him all, 7,246 of us. Not that he cared or even noticed. English people.

After he again was unable to unknot the shoestring on his other foot, he pried the shoe off as well. I did not say a word. I just watched him judgingly. But after having listened to him decry the inefficiency and stupidity of the American security system* for the better part of an hour, I wanted to point out to him that he’s the problem he so finds disturbing.

I’m too much of a wimp but I think I’m going to write a letter to Thomas Markle.

*For the record I completely agreed with him.

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