Travel. Just kill me

As I suggested I’d have preferred to lie on a rock in an NYC park high on crack and make that my life rather than get on an airplane again. I took a taxi back to Newark rather than the AirTrain preferring not to maneuver my luggage 3 blocks through mid afternoon pedestrian traffic in 70 percent humidity.

I arrived in plenty of time, the lines to get into the place were not long. No hassles with checking luggage. Breezed through security. Got into the lounge which was utterly and completely jam-packed but I managed to find an empty single chair. I was able to witness the parade of people waltzing in. Including a lady who complained that there were too many people and she didn’t feel “special.” Uh, lady, you’re a people.

Also this guy in the suspenders who spent quite a lot of time, energy and furious anger trying to get a champagne cocktail (you can tell by his attire that he’s a champagne cocktail kinda guy). The bartender said they did not have champagne cocktails and Suspenders here begged to differ. He had one here 3 years ago!!! The bartender put her fists on her hips and told him she’d been working in this bar since it opened and they have never served champagne cocktails.

But the thing is I won’t need to do this anymore since hubsy is moving to Wisconsin. Not to Milwaukee, unfortunately, but getting to Madison is less of a hoo-ha than getting to, say, Oslo, Ghent or Berlin.

My flight was delayed several hours (of fucking course) and rather than sit in the lounge I sat in the concourse watching (and judging) people. At some point a kid in the concourse had a complete and total melt down. His father picked him up and carried him kicking and screaming away. Guess where he was sitting . . .

After we’d boarded the flight but not yet left, the guy directly behind me (screaming kid was 2 rows behind me) pulled out a large bag of peanuts that then spilled all over hell and back. The woman across the aisle immediately jumped up and ran out of the plane with the flight attendant screaming after her that she had to be seated . . . she was allergic to peanuts. They had to call house keeping to vacuum the nuts up. The doll-house sized vacuum canister held about 4 peanuts so they had to go and empty it repeatedly. They then had to go (the flight was completely full) and get someone in the way-back to change seats with her. All of this causing another hour’s delay. Fun fun fun fun fun.

2 Replies to “Travel. Just kill me”

  1. Laughed out loud! Looking forward to the sequel — The return trip home!

    Love the guy turning the plane into a Ground Round with the peanuts. Peanuts in the shell aren’t easy to find — I was in search of them to make Hawaiian Boiled Peanuts and had to visit several stores — so you know he went to some trouble to get them for the flight.

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