All my water is filtered (tooth sucking noise)

When I bought the refrigerator for my new house like 3 years ago (it sat in the garage for a year thereby voiding the warranty which was a really bummer when we discovered that the glass surface of the cooktop was broken). I did not want the ice machine/water tap on the front of it. I don’t use that much ice, the ice/water contraption is ugly and it takes up space inside as well. So I decided at the time to forego the water dispenser, opting then to have all the water in the house filtered.

Eventually I discovered that there was indeed a filtered water tap (OK, it’s more like a nipple—can we talk about design here? The soft nipple is above the tap, faucet, whatever. If they had been smart they’d have put it below so you could rest your glass/pitcher against the button and fill your glass with one hand. Instead you need two and it’s not a comfortable position when you’re say, filling a pitcher.) in the refrigerator after all. So my drinking water was “double filtered,” I took to saying, as I’d swan about with a glass of water in my hand, how pure and sweet the double filtered water was.

For the record, I don’t care about filtered water. The water in Milwaukee is some of the cleanest in the world since the cryptosporidium thing. When I was a child we used to have very hard water. To me it tasted like rocks. I preferred the elegant (so I thought) chlorine taste of city water that my aunts had.

So now I have double filtered water and, I have to admit, I do like how it tastes. But it turns out, obviously, that I have to change a filter, 2 filters really except that I figured the one in the refrigerator was probably as pure as new driven snow considering the whole house has filtered water (tooth sucking noise) so probably just the one. It’s been almost 2 years since I habited the house and I came to realize (known for a while actually) that I needed to change the water filter.

The thought of this sort of task fills me with dread. I am not handy, except possibly with a waffle iron. But I went online and bought a filter which sat staring at me accusingly for a few weeks before I got up the nerve to go under the stairs (where it is located) and change the damn thing. But first, I watched a couple of YouTube videos. I watched with rising alarm as these guys (they were all men, and better men than I) simply took the tennis racket sized jar opener thing, turned the body of the filter, opened them up and removed the most disgustingly filthy things. Panicking, I thought I’ve gotta man up and do this!!

So I went under the stairs with the opener thing and opened it. There were complications (as with everything I do) I’ll spare you. But eventually I got the thing off and Voila! Instead of a filthy filter, there was no filter at all. It was clean as a whistle. All the crowing about double filters. What a doofus.

Well, now I have a double filtered water anyway. I’ll be a little less boastful keeping in mind that A. I now have to change the damn filter on the refrigerator and B. I am really not sure at all how to accomplish that and then C. Is there even one in there? So that here, all this time, I’ve been pompously swaggering around my kitchen drinking totally unfiltered water.