Smashburgers my ass

I’ve been reading about this new crazy sensation “smash burgers” which are just hamburgers done on a grill plate and squashed to death. Nothing medium rare here. Squashed hamburgers. I watched Adam Rappaport of Bon Appetit make them with all his attendant oohing and aahing and drooling and “ooh-this-is-the-besting” and decided to try it. I was not really convinced but I’ll give anything a shot. OK, not anchovies. 

I dragged out the ol’ rusty grill plate and scrubbed it down with salt the way the internet and possibly a certain horse riding food vigilante may have suggested so it was all prepped and ready to squash hamburgers on.

I had my beef tallow a-roiling just next to the grill (yes outside so there would be no stink inside) so I could deep fry and smash at the same time.

I did not get any pictures once everything was done because aside from the manic confusion of the smashing and deep-frying, I was covered head to toe in splattered tallow and/or burger grease (Also tallow I assume) and was too greased up to touch my iPhone. Plus once all the food was done I had to get it in front of people. We ate although secretly I wanted to strip my clothes off, dispose of them in some dramatic fashion, and hose myself down with bleach.

Smashburgers….meh. Not again in my life time. Just sayin.’