Bummer burger

Seemed like a sorta good idea as dinner ideas go. Turkey burger. I’d planned to jazz it up with onions, green pepper and, you know, whatever else I could cram into it but in the end I just fried it and ate it like a hamburger. I had a not-that-fresh ciabatta roll for some reason that escapes me. I put lettuce, pickles and raw onions on it.

That bun ruined everything. It was just too substantial (read: hard) to eat like a hamburger. The burger squirted out of the bun onto the floor. Five second rule invoked.

I ended up eating the buns and burger individually. I need to get working on that hamburger bun thing.

There’s a reason I don’t keep bread in the house

I got a loaf of bread for my mom and had it in my house for more than 46 seconds and so I opened it and made a fried egg sandwich. I’d just eat the whole damn thing if left to my own devices. Peanut butter, egg salad, just plain bread. I’ll eat the damn thing in less than a day.

It was sooooo good.

Jings and things

I was given this gourmet treat for my birthday. I guess it is taking the world by storm. While I pride myself on being super-up-to-date on everything, I’d never heard of it. It’s Sichuan chili crisp, a “moderately spicy” sauce that comes from Chengdu, China. And everybody is talking about it. Except me apparently.

It smelled right up my alley and I like spicy so I made shrimp with red bell pepper and tossed it with rice. It is really delicious but I’d put the spicy level at not-really-all-that spicy. I think it would be good with just about anything. More on this at some point later in time.

The sad part of this story is that I somehow put a huge slice in this nearly brand new nonstick pan that I thought was unsliceable. I don’t know how. I did not, as you can see, use any metal on it.

Hawaiian buns

When we had our Hawaiian meal (seems like a decade ago) besides the ribs and pu pu platter, I made Hawaiian bread. I did this not so much because I wanted to have it at this dinner as much as I wanted to make soft buns to see if they might work for hamburgers so this was something of a test.

I used the King Arthur Flour Hawaiian bread recipe. It is made with pineapple juice, eggs and butter. This creates a really sticky dough which was hard to deal with but for a good burger bun I am prepared to do that kind of dealing. Yeah, not so much. They tasted good but they were crumbly almost corn bread like. I followed the recipe exactly. So, fine for a Hawaiian meal but not so great for burgers.

Crossing that one off the list.

In an attempt to avoid the singing

I made my own birthday cake (which to me can only be Florence’s orange cake). I actually made 2. First I snobbishly made a yellow cake using a recipe (rather than a boxed cake mix) from Sally’s Baking Addiction. However, instead of using buttermilk as the recipe suggests, I used orange juice as one does when one is making it like Florence made it (not that she ever made any cake without a mix). I’m not a scientist so I’m not sure what chemical reaction didn’t happen here but I ended up with 2 layers of cake that when put one on top of the other, was so sunken I could have used it as a soup tureen, or a foot bath, if I had smaller feet.

So I ran back to the store and got a yellow cake mix. Why fool with perfection?

I thought that having made my own birthday cake I’d escape having to listen to people singing happy birthday at me. I did not.

I took the weird cake (it tasted fine) and cut it into pieces for later use in bread pudding or some damn thing.

The Diet of Worms

I just had to give vermiculture (worm composting) another try. I realize that my last venture was a fiasco (for them anyway) but I keep throwing so much organic waste into the compost pile that I had to give it another shot. Plus I have the contraption already made and it’s just sitting there begging me for more. This time I ordered a half pound of worms from an organic worm place that raises worms for this very purpose instead of buying them at a bait store. And rather than have them outside I moved them into the garage on a wire rack that ants cannot get to . . . I hope, but I will be monitoring that. I found after a little research that they’ll be fine in the hot garage.

The worms I received were not at all like the ones I got at bait shops. While I had asked for red wigglers and the 2 clerks (at 2 different bait shops) were all Oh yes they’re right over here. I mean, of course they’re thinking What the fuck difference does it make to you buddy? The fish don’t care. the worms I got from the bait shops didn’t seem quite right and the 2 batches from 2 different shops were not the same. But then, what do I know.

So I put what seemed like 3 worms into the container with a bunch of crap I’d had frozen and left them to their own devices. They’re doing very well. Yes, they eat paper.

Too bad I don’t fish.

And if you do want to find out about the Diet of Worms check this out.

Mele Kalikimaka

We had a recent food group dinner. It was the first face-to-face dinner we’ve had since, you know, the COVID. We’re all vaccinated in case you were concerned (which I totally doubt), and I hosted. I got to choose the theme and I had decided to use recipes from old Saveur magazines I have, and handed them out but then when I chose, as the host, to make Hawaiian glazed ribs based on the cover of one of them we just went with Hawaiian.

Once I’d made that declaration I actually took the time to read the recipe and it called for “your favorite BBQ sauce” and I was like . . . forget that noise. I’d never had ribs in Hawaii, possibly they don’t even eat them there because they’re to busy eating all that Spam so I came up with my own glaze. Pineapple juice, ketchup, hoisin and brown sugar.

So once you’re (and by that I mean I am) on a kick there’s no stopping me, unless I’m just lazy which is usually what rescues me from overdoing everything on any given day. I decided to make a pu pu platter which is something I had had in Hawaii. It’s just a plate of appetizers sitting on banana leaves so I went and got them to put on the serving trays. I made bacon wrapped pineapple, ham with pineapple, teriyaki marinated cucumbers, shrimp and char-siu pork. Karen brought Blue Hawaiians, a delicious, and dangerous, citrus pineapple drink. Sharon brought Hawaiian peanuts which are peanuts boiled in saltwater with star anise (OK, weird). She also brought a fabulous cabbage pineapple salad (no pic).

The whole meal was awesome but the star of the show was the chocolate coconut pie Karen brought.

I called a florist and ordered a bunch of cut Hawaiian flowers. I was like Oh, gimme 5 birds of paradise, 4 of this heart shaped things, some of this and some of that . . . la la la la. And then I went to pick them up. $120. I am such an idiot.

Oh my god, so fine

On the offense

Imma show those little fuckers who’s boss. I got these cute little double headed nails and stuck them into the squirrel freeway that is the top of my fence. I don’t want to kill them (well, yes, OK, I do) I just want to make them think before they just go zipping across my fence and carom onto my peach tree, et al.

Less than 30 minutes later they were running across it completely unperturbed. I wish I could say the same for myself.