that I announce the passing of my dear companion of many years, M St André de Figuière, tire-bouchon de luxe. M de Figuière was born in France sometime in the early 2000s and emigrated to the US around 2010. He has served as my trusted and well-loved cork screw, lo these many years. A devoted and well-loved member of my household, he had been on-call and active daily duty without complaint for well over ten years ceaselessly opening tens of thousands, if not millions, of wine bottles.
He leaves to mourn him, me, Michael Dillon (Ashish Gadicherla—M de Figuiére had two daddies), Loralyn Lassoued, many beloved family members and friends who have been faithfully served by him, and a bottle of Rodney Strong with the working business of M de Figuiere stuck painfully in his throat.
He will be missed. The world was a better place with him in it.