Our Blessed Lady of Green Tomato Pickles

While I was struggling to remove a mass of unfruited tomato vine/bush, a branch fell off that had 3 green tomatoes on it. Great, I thought, I’ll pickle ’em. My mother made the most amazing green tomato pickles, the recipe, unfortunately now lost. So I went online and looked for recipes. There were about a billion of them and then I saw it, a mystical revelation, like Our Blessed Lady appearing to me in full regalia—blue gown, crown of stars, little naked angels fussing hither and tither, lights shooting out of her fingertips…you can pickle green tomatoes AND THEN YOU CAN FUCKING DEEP FRY THEM!!!!! Oh my god the best of both worlds. I nearly passed out. I ran out and ripped another 16 branches off the plants and set the vinegar to boil.

Next stop DEEP FRIED FUCKING GREEN TOMATOES with ho-made tartar sauce. The mind reels.


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