Bar base, dip or frosting

I invented this. It may be something someone else has come up with and it may even be a recipe in a Barefoot Contessa cookbook for all I know but I came up with this all on my own. It certainly is simple. It is one bar of cream cheese and one small container of cream. For some reason I cannot fathom, you cannot mix these with a hand mixer which would seem to be the logical way to mix it. It does not combine smoothly. You must do it by hand, with a fork, no less. Once you have completed this step you can make it into many things. Frosting, chip dip, cheese spread, olive nut spread, the list is limitless, well, you can’t make it into hamburgers, for instance. But you can put it on them.

We used this in my restaurant for the chip dip at the bar. Which is why it is called bar base. The chip dip we made (I make) from it is totally awesome and always a hit. At my restaurant it was free at the bar and we only used Jays Kettle Cooked chips which are also awesome. When we couldn’t get those we used something called Krunchers. It was free. I say this because when the restaurant was open some asshole had the nerve to complain online (anonymously, of course) that “we didn’t make our own chips.” Are you fucking kidding me???? It’s goddam free!!!! I think I’m getting off-topic.

Once you have made the cream cheese even creamier, you can add things to it. Like a quarter cup each of mayonnaise and Miracle Whip and 5 or 6 sliced green onions and you will have chip dip. You can take a half a cup of it and mix it with crumbled blue cheese and have cheese spread. You can add a (softened) stick of butter and 5 TB of powdered sugar and have frosting. And then to that you can add 6 or 8 ounces of melted chocolate. And 3 TB of malt powder. 

Once you have made frosting you can frost your cake.

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